My little niece Khloe Samantha (in honor of Sam) was born November 12, and she is perfect. A tiny little peanut of a baby. She is now home weighing just over six pounds but with the lung capacity to hold her own in the Mueller household.
My sister and I have pretty much gone through our entire pregnancies together; taking pictures of our growing bumps, sharing stories about morning sickness, and discussing baby products. We had bought little matching santa hats for Khloe and Sam to wear this Christmas. We have matching striped baby outfits, one purple and one green, that seemed very Dr Seuss to me. I thought they would look just like Thing One and Thing Two when they wore them together.
In my mind and my day dreams, as I planned for their births, it was going to be Sam and Khloe, attached at the hip. My sister and i would take them everywhere together. They were going to be little buddies experiencing all of their major milestones together.
I know that with Khloe's birth my entire family and friends worried about me and how it would affect me. And if I admit it to myself now I was probably worried about me. But the moment I saw Khloe at the hospital I was filled with peace and happiness for the first time since Sam's death.
I can't explain it. It doesn't take away any of my pain or sadness for Sam. I still long for him every minute of every day. Yet looking at her makes me happy; really truly happy. I am so grateful for her.
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